Got Some Catching Up To Do!!

Sorry for the delay in posts... I have not been feeling very great lately.  Not sick, just been feeling kind of down...  It is hard to believe that this month marks one year since my very first appointment with the infertility specialist.

Anyways, on to the update!

My second artificial insemination was a failure.... again...  So we started round number 12 on April 9th.  Again, I am doing the highest dosage of Femara for 5 days and also doing the hormone injections for 3 days.  I have a doctor appointment coming up at the end of the week where we will find out whether or not I have any mature follicles.  If I do, we will go forward and try another artificial insemination.  At this appointment, we also plan on discussing the option of trying invitro fertilization if this round is another failure.  I have been terrified by the thought of having to do invitro since it is extremely expensive.  But, hopefully, we will be able to figure out a way to afford it and make it all work.

I have been feeling very down about myself lately.  I feel like my self worth and self confidence is really diminishing due to the fact that my body is choosing not to cooperate when it comes to getting pregnant.  And my body is also suffering more and more with each passing round.  I know that weight is only temporary, but when you are gaining a ton of weight every month due to all of the medications that you are on, it really starts to mess with your confidence.  I barely even want to go out and do things anymore.  I have always been a very confident person but that has really all gone out the window.  Ugh... I just hope that I start to feel comfortable in my own skin again soon.  Plus, buying new clothes every couple of months is getting expensive! ;-)

Moving on...  please pray for my husband and I as we approach the end of the 12th round of our fertility treatments.  I could really use a break and use some good news soon.  I have hope that this will all work out and this will all be worth it.

Thank you all for your love and support throughout the past year!

xoxoxo

March 31, 2014

One week ago today was my artificial insemination appointment!  The procedure was somewhat painful and definitely hurt more than the last one that I had.  However, I made it out alive and went on to the two week wait!

We are now entering the second week of this horrendous two week wait.  I seriously cannot wait to see what the outcome of this round will be!  I am feeling very positive and optimistic and I am certainly hoping for the best!  

I have been feeling very tired lately.  But no other "symptoms"... I know that technically it is too soon to have any pregnancy symptoms but I can't help but drive myself crazy thinking about it!

My mother will be in town visiting me for a few days at the end of this week which will definitely help me stay calm and relaxed.  I cannot wait to spend some valuable time with her! :)

I will keep you all posted as to what happens next week - whether it be positive or negative (but it better be positive, haha!).  Please keep my husband and me in your thoughts and prayers as we continue down this long and tiring journey.

xoxox

Some Good News!!

I know that it has been quite a while since I have posted and I sincerely apologize, I have just been incredibly busy lately! 

Anyhoo... Round number 11 started on March 13th.  I did another round of the 7.5mg Femara and also 3 days of the hormone injections.  I had a doctor appointment today and we found out that I have a follicle measuring 15mm.  They are setting me up to have artificial insemination on Monday March 24!  I am sooo incredibly excited!  It has been a really really long time since we have gotten any good news and I feel like we have really made some great progress this month!  I will be taking a pregnancy test around April 5th!  

Please keep your fingers, toes, legs, arms, eyes, and everything else that you can cross - crossed!  

Thanks for your patience and thank you all for your love and support!

xoxoxo

March 6th, 2014

Hello everyone.  I apologize for not posting sooner.  I have had a rough couple of days.  Anyways, I went to the doctor yesterday to get my levels checked to see if I did or did not ovulate.  I will find out today what the results are.  I am hoping that I did ovulate as that will be reassurance that the meds are doing what they are supposed to do - we just aren't catching ovulation in time.  So... let's all cross our fingers for that.

I have been going back and forth with myself if I want to take some time off of all of this.  We are going on 11 rounds with only a one month break.  My body is sooo incredibly drained.  Both physically and mentally.

I have also been contemplating whether or not I want to continue with the infertility treatments.  Since we have been doing this for so long without any luck, I am starting to think that maybe it just isn't going to happen.  I have been seeing the infertility specialist since April.  Before the specialist will even see you, you have to have been trying to conceive for 1+ year(s).  That means, that we have been trying for at least 2 years at this point.  And honestly, we won't get into specifics, but it has been much longer than that.

It kills me that it has yet to happen.  I feel like we have done everything right.  We got married and started a life together, we both have college educations (my husband is currently pursuing his bachelor's degree while I am working towards my master's degree).  My husband is in the military and we have a steady income.  We deserve to have this happen for us, and yet - nothing.  I watch so many people around me get pregnant without any problems... they don't even have to try.  And it is sooo hard on me.  To know that so many people are able to get pregnant every day while I sit and struggle as much as I do.

I have always thought of myself as an extremely strong person.  But I certainly feel like I am reaching my breaking point.  I honestly do not know where to go from here.  My body is saying one thing while my heart says something completely different.  I clearly want this.  I haven't ever wanted anything more.  But I don't know how much more I can put my body through before I break.

I am trying incredibly hard to remain positive and keep my head held high.  My husband does an amazing job of helping me do this.  But sometimes, no matter what anyone says, I just feel really low.  And that is how it has been for a few days now.  But I will overcome this, as I have overcome everything else in my life.  If this is not meant to be, then it's not.  But God, I really hope that's not the case.  I have been ready and willing to try anything and everything that the doctor's have thrown at me.  Painful procedures, countless medications, and tons of tests.  I keep pushing forward because I deserve this.... We deserve this....

On that note, thank you all for reading, and thank you all for your endless love and support.  I truly do not know what I would do without my family and friends.

xoxoxo

February 28, 2014

Well, today is the last day of February... This means we are one month closer to the year mark of seeing the infertility specialist...  April will mark one whole year.  I had my first round of infertility meds in July... So at least we have some time yet before we reach that 'anniversary'.

Since July, I have gained over 40 pounds from all of the infertility meds.  For those of you who do not know me, I am a short little girl measuring in at 5'0".  I have always been pretty tiny in nature.  I have always been an extremely confident person - but with all of this weight gain, I am becoming more and more self conscious and depressed.  I cannot wait until I am done with all of this madness so I can kick my own butt and get myself back to the size that I was at the beginning of all of this.

I would love to say that I can start working out hardcore and losing all the weight now.  However, IF I start doing a huge workout regime, I have a chance of messing up my cycle... which I REFUSE to do! haha.  And then there is also the fact that it will be extremely difficult for me to lose any weight since I am still taking all of the meds.  AND the PCOS causes weight gain and makes it extremely difficult to lose weight.  So at this point, the weight gain will probably only get worse... Sooo lame....

I am thinking about starting to walk for a short period of time every day.  I think that this will help me to at least keep myself from gaining any more weight... But then again, I have no idea.  I am willing to gain as much weight as I have to from all of the medications as long as God will one day bless me with a little bundle of joy....

I only wish I had more self-confidence at this point in time... But hopefully, with time, I will feel better about myself.  :)

As always, thank you all for reading!

xoxoxox

Follow-Up Appointment

Yesterday was my follow-up appointment where we would double check on the follicle that the doctor had found on Monday. Well... that follicle did not grow, nor was it even mentioned.  However, there was a 'shadow' that appeared to be a follicle that has collapsed and/or started to absorb.  There was also some liquid present indicating that ovulation had occurred.  This means, that for the 2nd month in a row, we have missed ovulation.  The good news is, my body seems to be reacting properly to the meds and is therefore ovulating like it is supposed to.  The bad news is that I am ovulating at all different times throughout my cycle so there is really no way of knowing when it is occurring, which makes the whole timing thing somewhat complicated.

I now have to go in for blood work on Tuesday to check my progesterone levels which will help the doctor know for sure whether or not I have ovulated.  If I have, we will wait for my next cycle to begin and will go from there.  This next round of meds will be similar to this last round.  However, I will be doing hormone injections for 5 days instead of 3 and I will be going to the doctor much sooner in my cycle and will be seen much more frequently throughout the cycle so that we can hopefully catch ovulation BEFORE it happens rather than after.

I am pleased to know that I am ovulating (or so we think) at this point.  I just can't wait until everything starts falling into place the way that it is supposed to.  This will be round number 11 - crazy to even think about that.... We shall see what the test results say on Tuesday which will help us to know what my body is doing.... We all need to sit down with my ovaries and tell them that they need to start cooperating! haha!!

As always, thank you for reading and for supporting me every step of the way!

xoxoxo

Don't Forget!

Tomorrow is a very important appointment... We will be finding out whether or not my follicle has made any improvement in size and whether or not we will be able to try artificial insemination this round....  I am hoping that we will have made at least some progress so that this round wasn't a complete failure.  But, if no progress has been made, I guess we will move right on to round 11.

I cannot believe that this will be round 11... It just doesn't seem possible... People get pregnant all the time... Why has this been so incredibly hard for me?  Ughhh! I guess we will see what happens tomorrow before I get myself all worked up.  Please keep me and my husband in your thoughts and prayers as we start this new portion of this journey.  Up until this point, we somewhat knew what to expect... whereas now, we have no idea what could be happening next.

I will make sure to post after the appointment tomorrow so that you will all know how it went. :)

As always, thank you all for you love and support.

xoxoxo