Hello everyone. I apologize for not posting sooner. I have had a rough couple of days. Anyways, I went to the doctor yesterday to get my levels checked to see if I did or did not ovulate. I will find out today what the results are. I am hoping that I did ovulate as that will be reassurance that the meds are doing what they are supposed to do - we just aren't catching ovulation in time. So... let's all cross our fingers for that.
I have been going back and forth with myself if I want to take some time off of all of this. We are going on 11 rounds with only a one month break. My body is sooo incredibly drained. Both physically and mentally.
I have also been contemplating whether or not I want to continue with the infertility treatments. Since we have been doing this for so long without any luck, I am starting to think that maybe it just isn't going to happen. I have been seeing the infertility specialist since April. Before the specialist will even see you, you have to have been trying to conceive for 1+ year(s). That means, that we have been trying for at least 2 years at this point. And honestly, we won't get into specifics, but it has been much longer than that.
It kills me that it has yet to happen. I feel like we have done everything right. We got married and started a life together, we both have college educations (my husband is currently pursuing his bachelor's degree while I am working towards my master's degree). My husband is in the military and we have a steady income. We deserve to have this happen for us, and yet - nothing. I watch so many people around me get pregnant without any problems... they don't even have to try. And it is sooo hard on me. To know that so many people are able to get pregnant every day while I sit and struggle as much as I do.
I have always thought of myself as an extremely strong person. But I certainly feel like I am reaching my breaking point. I honestly do not know where to go from here. My body is saying one thing while my heart says something completely different. I clearly want this. I haven't ever wanted anything more. But I don't know how much more I can put my body through before I break.
I am trying incredibly hard to remain positive and keep my head held high. My husband does an amazing job of helping me do this. But sometimes, no matter what anyone says, I just feel really low. And that is how it has been for a few days now. But I will overcome this, as I have overcome everything else in my life. If this is not meant to be, then it's not. But God, I really hope that's not the case. I have been ready and willing to try anything and everything that the doctor's have thrown at me. Painful procedures, countless medications, and tons of tests. I keep pushing forward because I deserve this.... We deserve this....
On that note, thank you all for reading, and thank you all for your endless love and support. I truly do not know what I would do without my family and friends.
xoxoxo
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